What would Lee Van Cleef do?

[Spuff_vermon]

Via TV

John- Welcome back! It’s going to be a tough day for the President and his policies, especially in area of biological research.

Howard- That’s right John, we may now know where the billions possibly even a trillion tax payer dollars have ended up. Sense September of 2010 a stead-

John- One moment Howard I believe we are ready to begin.

We see a small stage with a podium and an object behind a black curtain. The audience is composed of science type and media. A small framed man with balding red hair and glasses approaches the microphone.

Dr. Jarvis- Hello I am doctor Eugene Jarvis and well… today we have exciting news. As long as humans have existed we have contemplated the “what ifs” of life. What if I were a rich man, had a large home, a full head of hair, or maybe the best of them all what if I could live forever…

Jarvis has a drink of water

Dr Jarvis- This question was asked. What if death could be avoided? The more we thought on this question the more we all realized that under certain tightly controlled conditions this may one day be possible.

Jarvis has another drink as the room becomes more interested

Dr Jarvis- Now before we jump out of our seats and pretend its 1987 again I must let it be known now that we are all very mortal. In the near future however there may be a time that a new… how do you say… shell could be created. Allow this to illustrate.

A screen lowers and a projection starts to which Jarvis gives commentary

Dr Jarvis- What you see here is more or less a clone. Over time it can become, if closely supervised and strictly maintained, the image of a human being. The look is not important as every person would be different and like their original host. Now an original host is anyone who wishes to continue on in the journey of life. How is this possible? Well were not letting the cat out of the bag quite yet but as you can see here in animation this persons “mental capacity” is being moved into another compatible body. Once this process occurs the old body is exactly what the new body once was… an empty shell. Now for certain safety reasons this procedure has not been attempted on a real human being.

The projection ends

Dr Jarvis- But great promise was shown by laboratory animals, in fact it seemed to work perfectly. It worked so well that we decided to try and create a human specimen, which we all thought would be great to show all of you here today.

Jarvis motion his hands towards the black curtain.

Dr Jarvis- And here it is!

The curtain falls to the ground and behind a thin glass wall stand a spitting image of Lee Van Cleef dressed like a cowboy.

Dr. Jarvis- Now please try to remain calm, there is no life here yet. We found ourselves with this problem, first no one wanted to be up on the “block”. We needed a man and we kind of have a thing for old westerns so we contacted the Van Cleef estate… well to make a long story short we have managed to create an exact clone of the man who was formerly Lee Van Cleef. Now if things were working the way we wanted them too Lee Van Cleef would move his “being” over to this new one. Sadly Mr. Cleef is however deceased. We had to use other methods in this living shell. Over the past few months we have been playing these old spaghetti westerns into our machine. Now were only using Mr. Van Cleef’s characters but we should have gathered enough “life” information for a small demonstration. Allow me to finish the protocols…

Jarvis hits some buttons on his smart phone and the lights dim. A few arches of energy emit from the glass both and Van Cleef opens his eyes. The press erupts.

Howard- My god John it appears to be alive…

The press in the room begin to snap flash photographs so many that Van Cleef raises his hand to cover his eyes……
At this exact moment I ask WWLVCD?

[Hoover_Valentine]

LVC is startled from all the flashing lights. He hits the glass that separates him from the crowd a few times.

Dr Jarvis-Please if everyone could refrain from taking photos at this time and allow the subject to acclimate himself.

The flashes stop and LVC becomes calm. He looks around the room, he studies the crowd. His attention is suddenly drawn to the back of the room towards a glowing red sign that reads EXIT. He bangs on the glass some more. The TV announcers give commentary.

John-Can you believe what we are seeing. The miracles of modern technology never seem to cease.

Howard-Looks to me like this Van Cleef doppelganger is getting pissed.

John-I’m sure the proper precautions have been taken care of to ensure the safety of everyone here today.

Howard-I hope so John.

LVC stops banging on the glass. He looks down at his hip and sees his six shooter; a large grin fills his face.

Dr Jarvis-At this time I am going to open the floor up to questions. Yes you ma’am, the women in blue, you have a question.

Woman in Blue- I was wondering what the process was in choosing this subject, why Lee Van Cleef?

Dr Jarvis-Long story short, my team and I are fans of the spaghetti western genre and think Van Cleef is as badass as they come, so, why not! Next question, yes you sir.

A thin middle aged man with glasses stands up.

Man with glasses-Why have you dressed him up in full cowboy gear? Is there a legitimate reason for this or is this just for show?

Dr Jarvis-As I said earlier, since our subject was deceased we have had to use Van Cleef’s movies to try and piece together , how can I put this, an essence. We have tried to capture the essence of Lee Van Cleef. We felt dressing him in familiar western attire would help him to adjust better. And yes it does add some theatrical elements. Anymore quest………

Woman in crowd-OH GOD HE HAS A GUN!

LVC has drawn his pistol and is banging it on the glass.

Dr Jarvis-No need for alarm, the glass has been reinforced and should……

LVC bangs on the glass again, this time a small crack forms at the point of impact. LVC smiles and aims his gun at the crack. He pulls back the hammer and pulls the trigger. BANG, the glass shatters. The TV announcers give commentary.

John-Holy shit! Please excuse my language, but holy shit!

Howard-Who the hell thought it was a good idea to give him a loaded gun?!

John-Good question Howie, who the hell indeed?!

LVC jumps from the stage and the crowd begins to scramble. Flashes from the cameras fill the room. LVC becomes startled again from all the light. A short balding man holds a camera up to his face and begins to snap some photos.

Balding man-Oh boy this is front page shit right here, I’m gonna make me a mint.

LVC turns and looks right at the balding man as he snaps another pic. The flash blinds LVC momentarily. LVC points his gun in the direction of the balding man and fires. The bullet splits the camera in two and it falls to the ground. The man screams as it falls, exposing his face that now contains a bullet hole threw his right eye. Blood is spurting from the hole. The TV announcers give commentary.

Howard-Did you see that John! He just put a bullet in that mans skull. This is crazy, this can’t be happening.

John-Pandemonium Howard, pure pandemonium.

LVC starts to run towards the Exit. Three security guards stand between him and the exit. One has a night stick, one has a stun gun, and one has a bean bag shotgun. The guy with the stick swings at LVC, LVC dodges the blow. Just then the guy with the stun gun fires it at LVC. LVC dodges the shot and the prongs go into the guy with the night stick and he begins to convulse. LVC grabs the night stick from the guy and smashes the guy with the stun gun over the head. LVC stands with the night stick in one hand and his pistol in the other. He stares down the guard with the shotgun.

Guard with gun-Fuck this!

The guard throws down the shotgun and bolts. LVC picks up the shotgun and heads for the exit. He exits the building. The light from outside is bright and all LVC can see is white for a moment. The white fades and the image of the exterior fades into focus. LVC stands outside of the building, night stick in one hand, pistol in the other, and the bean bag shotgun over his shoulder. He stands before a row of cop cars. Several police officers, some swat team members, and a few street cops on horses stand with guns ready and aimed straight at LVC. LVC looks around and takes in the surrounding environment. Nothing is as he remembers, huge skyscrapers, giant billboards. The world is foreign and strange to him. An announcement is heard over the police radios.

Officer over radios-Subject is to be taken alive, repeat, take the subject alive!

A single officer with his gun raised slowly begins to approach LVC.

Officer-Place your weapons on the ground and put your hands above your head!

LVC stares down the officer. The officer stares back at LVC. They trade glances for a bit. LVC finally breaks the stare, shakes his head and smiles. LVC throws down the night stick, the officer moves closer. LVC holsters his pistol, the officer moves a little closer. LVC grabs the shotgun and holds it in both hands for a moment, the officer stops.

Officer-On the ground now!

LVC smiles and pumps the shotgun. He aims at the officer and fires. A bean bag projectile goes flying towards the officer. It strikes him in the chest; he drops his gun and is stunned from the impact. LVC is surprised that the shotgun didn’t fire bullets but he quickly moves in and grabs the officer. LVC draws his pistol from its holster and holds the gun to the officer’s head. LVC stares at the line of cops that stand just a few yards away. He motions towards one of the street cops on horseback.

LVC-Your horse!

The street cop rides over and dismounts. LVC motions for him to leave. The street cop backs away slowly. LVC and his hostage mount the horse. LVC takes a look around taking everything in one more time. LVC slams his heels into the horses’ sides and they take off into the world. Later the next day a man walks down the street and stops to watch a newscast on a TV in a store window.

TV announcer- Police are still searching for the gunman involved in yesterday’s shooting and so far have no leads to his whereabouts. Hold on…….I’m getting some late breaking news. This just in Capt James Marshall has been found alive. I repeat Marshall is alive. It appears Capt Marshall was found alive in Central Park today; Capt Marshall was the man taken hostage in yesterdays shooting. It seems he was found by two tran-sexual hookers known for servicing men in the low light areas of the park. Capt Marshall had been buried up to his neck in the middle of the park! Police have issued a warning. If you see this man:

Do not approach. Contact authorities immediately. This man is considered ARMED & DANGEROUS!