LVC sits in the airport terminal watching people pass bye. He stares down at his ticket.
LVC
"First class, my ass!"
He crumbles his ticket up and angrily shoves it in his pocket. He gets up from his seat and looks around the terminal. He sees a sign that reads: Designated Smoking Area this way. He walks over to the smoking area. LVC is now in the smoking area, it is a small open courtyard area adjacent to the airport. He walks over to a bench and sits down, pulls out a pipe, packs it with some tobacco, and begins to smoke. LVC has a few good puffs from his pipe when a short bald man in a cheap suit walks into the courtyard. The bald man is loudly talking on his phone.
Bald Man
"Don’t wory Frank I’ll be there. This won’t be like that week in Thialand. I’ll make it to the game on time…What!..Oh you sonuvabitch!! Fucker hung up on me."
LVC watches the man as he puts his phone away and pulls out a pack of cigs. The man takes a cig from the pack and puts it to his lips. He starts to pat at his pockets, he can’t seem to find a lighter. LVC whistles at the man. The man looks at LVC.
LVC
"Here, catch!"
LVC throws a box of matches to the man, the man barely catches them with both hands he fumbles a bit with them, takes out a match and lights his smoke. He throws the pack back to LVC. LVC cathes them with one hand, his eyes never leave the man as he returns the matches to his coat pocket.
Bald Man
"Thanks buddy."
LVC
"Don’t mention it."
The bald man takes a long draw from his cig then exhales the smoke.
Bald Man
"Do I know you from somewhere?"
LVC
"Don’t think so, I’d remeber a face like yours."
Bald Man
"Wait a minute…wait a minute…your Clint Eastwood!"
LVC shakes his head.
LVC
"No. I’m not Clint Eastwood."
LVC stands up and walks toward the man. The man looks a little nervous.
LVC
"My names Van Cleef." (LVC extends his hand to shake) “Lee Van Cleef.”
Bald Man
"Oh…your the bad guy! I remeber now. Nice to meet you Mr. Van Cleef, my name’s Robert. Robert Cockburn. But my friends call me Bob."
LVC
"Well Cockburn, What brings you to Nashville?"
Bob
"I’m flying out to game tonight. I’m a baseball announcer, mostly minor league stuff."
LVC
"Baseball you say. I’ve always enjoyed baseball. Always thought it would be nice to manage my own team."
Bob
"You should give it a try, these minor league teams are always looking for people."
LVC
"I may try that sometime."
LVC and Bob finish their smokes together. Then Bob looks at his watch.
Bob
"Well Lee, I’ve got a little more time before my flight care to join me drink at the bar?"
LVC
"Might as well."
Bob and Lee walk back in to the terminal and head over to the bar. They get to the entrance and a flamingly gay man sitting on a stool stops them.
Gay Man
"Ah…excuse me gentleman but this is for First Class passangers only. I’ll have to see your tickets."
Bob pulls out his ticket and shows it to the Gay man. LVC notices that Bob has a S code ticket for the same flight as him. LVC grins an evil looking grin.
Gay Man
"Sir, can I see your ticket?"
The gay man motions for LVC’s ticket. Lee pulls his crumbled J code ticket out and hands it to him. The gay man smoothes the ticket back out and looks it over.
Gay Man
"Ok gentleman, enjoy yourselves and thank you for flying with us today."
Bob and Lee walk in to the bar and take a seat. The bar tender walks up.
Bartender
"What’ll it be."
LVC
"Whiskey."
The bartender brings over a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass. He starts to poor the whiskey into the shot glass when Lee holds his hand over the top blocking the liquid from the cup.
Bartender
"Problem sir?"
LVC
"The bottle…leave it…and get me and my friend here some real glasses."
The bartender sits the bottle down in front of LVC and turns to get big glasses.
Bob
"I like that way you think Lee. Nothing better than getting good and sloshed before a plane ride."
Lee and Bob start to drink and talk, some time passes. As they talk Lee makes sure Bob’s glass is never empty, Lee just sips on his. Bob gets good and drunk. He begins to slur his words. He starts to ramble on about his life and the crazy situations he finds himself in.
Bob
"How was I…(hiccup)…supbosed do know she was 15! I’m no fooking…(hiccup)…minebreader."
LVC grins and shakes his head, he pours Bob the last of the whiskey and Bob guzzles it down.
Bob
"Where da bafroom…where da bafroom…I gotta take a shittt!!!"
Bartender
"Outside the lounge in the terminal, across the hall."
Bob staggers out of the bar. LVC throws some money on the bar and stands up to leave.
Bartender
"Your friend’s pretty drunk. Someone gonna be able to take care of him. I don’t want to get in trouble for this."
LVC
"Nothing to worry about friend." (Lee takes some extra money out and puts it in the bartenders front pocket) “I’ll make sure he is well taken care of.”
Cut to Bob as he stubles into the bathroom. He is singing to himself.
Bob
"Take me out to da…(hiccup)…ballgame. Tape me out to da cwoud! Buy me some penis and…(hiccup)…crack whore jacks. Maybe she’ll let me shoot jizz on her back."
Bob starts laughing, an older gentlemen washing his hands gives Bob a weird look then wipes his hands and leaves. Bob finds an open stall and sits down to shit. Bob shits his brains out.
Bob
"Ohhhhh mommmaaa!! That feelz gooood!!!"
Bob cleans him self off and stands up, pulls his pants up and opens the stall door. He is suprised to see Lee standing in front of him.
Bob
"Lee?"
LVC
"Cockburn."
LVC gives Bob a wink and then punches him in the face. Bob blacks out.
Cut to Lee on an airplane sitting in first class. He is admiring the plush decour of his seat.
LVC
"This will do just fine."
A stewardess walks up.
Stewardess
"Mr. Cockburn, is there anything I can get you before we take off?"
LVC
"A glass of whiskey would be nice darling."
The girl blushes.
Stewardess
"Right away sir."
She walks off to get Lees drink.
Cut to a black screen. Screen slowly fades like eyes opening. We hear planes and general airport noise. We see a close up of Bob’s face, his mouth is stuffed with something. He fully opens his eyes and spits out what is in his mouth. We pull back to see that it was a plane ticket stuffed in his mouth and that he has been burried up to his neck at the end of a runway.
Bob
"What the…where am…fucking shit!"
Bob realizes where he is. He starts to scream.
Bob
"Help! Help! Someone please!"
No one hears him. The sound of an approaching plane begins to build as it gets closer. Bob sees that a plane is getting very close to him it is getting ready to talk off. Bob screams as the plane’s tire comes within inches of his face as it lifts from the ground.
Bob
"Damn you Lee Van Cleef!! Damn you to hell! You bastard!!!"
Cut back to LVC, we see him sitting in the plane that just took off smiling through the window, sipping on his whiskey.