What Is Your Top 5 Worst Westerns?

  1. Blood at Sundown (Too much drama between characters for my taste and evil Gianni Garko left me traumatized. This was actually the first Garko film I saw)
  2. Arizona Colt Returns (Our “hero” forces himself on a woman and she actually falls in love with him… and dies because of him)
  3. Acquasanta Joe (So boring)
  4. Stop the Slayings (I guess, I think it was kinda boring too)
  5. California (It was a good film, but I felt awful after watching it, and I swear, I will never watch it again. The film was too heavy and depressing for me. I really loved William Berger in this, though)

I once would’ve put Boot Hill on this list but I’ve learned to like it. It’s also a little funny how many Steffen movies I have here because he’s my favorite actor XD

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Gosh. I don’t know what five and four are but these three franchise sequels take the cake:

  1. Return of the Seven
  2. The Magnificent Seven Ride!
  3. Guns of the Magnificent Seven

This seems to be stereotyping. Most American Westerns are complex and not about cleancut goodguys, all the way back to Stagecoach.

Spaghettis are even less realistic than the American ones, since the real West was far from a lawless playground. The most realistic Westerns are the post-Dances With Wolves ones.

This isn’t me pooping on SWs. ALL Westerns are fantasies.

I enjoyed all three, especially Guns of the Magnificent Seven. Obviously they’re going to be judged harshly because they’re following a classic western masterpiece but they are certainly not among the worst of the whole genre.

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Dances With Wolves is one of the most inaccurate ever made.

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Between the Civil War and 1872, my great-great grandfather killed nine men (that I can confirm through court records and newspaper accounts) in gunfights and is alleged to have killed four more that I have been unable to prove thus far. There were different people that testified in court though that the total number was actually 13. And that wasn’t even out west but in eastern Kentucky. His picture is my avatar.

After he eventually went to prison in 1874, the rest of my family (on my father’s side) became embroiled in a feud that between 1881 and 1889 alone, both directly and indirectly, was responsible for the deaths of over 40 men, the vast majority of which I can confirm. Incidents (not all violent) involving this feud and its participants occurred not only in Kentucky but also in Missouri, Arkansas, Texas, what would become the Oklahoma Territory, and California. It ended with a skirmish called “The Battle of Poor Fork” in 1889. The leader of the opposition, Wilson Howard, is confirmed, along with his uncle in many cases, to have killed seven of those men. At one point during the feud, the governor put out a reward for them so they left the state and went to the Oklahoma territory where they allegedly killed two more men (stated by two different people in court testimony) then to Missouri where they, beyond the shadow of a doubt, murdered and robbed a man who was deaf and mute. Howard returned to Kentucky but left the state again after the final battle of the feud and went to California via train where he was arrested for robbing a stagecoach. He used an assumed name and immediately pled guilty hoping to fly under the radar. He was eventually discovered while incarcerated at San Quentin Prison, most likely because he mailed a letter to his girlfriend in Kentucky. After one of my cousins and a detective from Missouri, who was a former Pinkerton, went to California to identify him, he was transferred to Missouri where he was tried for the murder of the poor deaf-mute man and hanged.

I have true tales of an innocent after church dinner in 1884, at which my relatives were present, where a gunfight broke out that resulted in the deaths of five people including an innocent grandmother who was hit in the head by a stray bullet, though inside the house, while preparing to bring out more food to the tables outside. (I have copies of the court records) I had another cousin who was in law enforcement and assigned to keep the peace at the voting precinct in his county in the elections of 1890. A man he had arrested prior came at him with a butcher knife so he drew his pistol and shot him. The man’s brother came up and shot my cousin in the arm, causing him to drop the pistol. My cousin grabbed the butcher knife from the ground and charged the brother causing him to fire too quickly, the bullet grazing another nearby man. My cousin used the butcher knife to kill the other brother. (I have copies of the newspaper articles.) Unfortunately, after a few days the doctor told my cousin that his arm needed to be amputated, he refused, and died of gangrene.

These are just some of the many, many true incidents my family was personally involved in back in the non “lawless playground” days.

So, you will excuse me if I take a bit of umbrage with your statement. :laughing:

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Poor Granny !!!

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All you’re trying to do is feed some people and you get shot for your kindness!

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The question is, is it really lawless if it’s all in self defence? :rofl:

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Yikes!

Obviously, things like this happen, but I mean that the West was more like urban crime than a literal land of lax law.

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The Stalking Moon is very good. Only problem was its Morricone-rip-off score and that weird part when the old guy gets himself killed stupidly after his dog got killed. Frontiersmen would know better than that!

Talking about rip-offs, am I the only one who doesn’t like A Stranger in Town? It was so boring and felt like it lasted an eternity. It’s also such a poor man’s Fistful of Dollars that I can’t take it seriously.

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A Stranger in Town is a near masterpiece. Or at least it’s a fair film.

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It strained my patience and has nothing going for it visually to compensate. Dull as can be, the sequel is better … but not great either.

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I’m not keen on A Stranger in Town either. I’ve given it a few goes because I really should like it. It’s sparse, silent, violent… everything I love in a spag. But it’s too sparse. Silent to the point of being plain boring. It’s violent, sure, but that awful, horribly out-of-key theme tune that plays incessantly through the film renders it all more-or-less unwatchable. Merely IMHO of course.

The sequel’s a lot better. Still not a top tier spag for me, but a vast improvement on its predecessor. Again, merely IMHO. :+1:

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I found out that one needs to have a certain mental attitude to enjoy the movie’s slow tempo. Once I was utterly bored, the next time I loved it. The third time I was bored again.

The movie has not changed but my perception has.

One also needs to watch it in HD because it is a minimalistic stuff and details are very important.

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Could be. I was very young when I saw it (in cinema) and never went back to it. I don’t remember that much of the action, actually the only thing I remember is that I found the whole thing extremely boring. But then again, maybe I would think differently about it now, half a century later.

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I watched Billy the Kid Versus Dracula and it was pretty bad despite the incredible sounding premise.
Billy the Kid vs Dracula

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I had completely forgotten the horrendous sh*t that goes by the name of Welcome to Blood City :face_vomiting:

Stupid and boring scifi western with uninteresting characters. Even Jack Palance as the sheriff couldn’t save the film.

I watched it 5-6 years ago when I was having a Jack Palance phase. Definitely the worst of his films that I’ve seen :sweat_smile:

Updated list:

  1. Welcome to Blood City
  2. Acquasanta Joe
  3. Arizona Colt Returns
  4. Blood at Sundown
  5. Stranger in Town

Here’s my Top 5 Worst Westerns - a mix of US, SW, and Euro ones

  1. Billy the Kid Versus Dracula (1966) - a sheer detriment to the talents of John Carradine, and a way too hokey premise.

  2. Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966) - Also too hokey of a story, and a weird ass lover scorn story between the two title characters

  3. Arizona Colt Returns (1971) - I wanted to like this one, but this was Steffen really being a wooden actor, almost like he didn’t want to be there. The only saving graces are Aldo Sambrell and Roberto Camardiel

  4. God’s Gun (1976) - Saw this one years ago somewhere, and was very very underwhelmed by it all. Lee Van Cleef playing a priest is certainly unique and different, but everything else falls short, especially a cast like Van Cleef, Jack Palance, Richard Boone, Sybil Danning, and dare I say even Leif Garrett. Gianfranco Parolini struggled greatly with this one.

  5. The Django Story (1971) - While a good number of Demofilo Fidani’s Westerns could be put on a list and even be a list all their own - The Django Story is going up here because it’s Fidani at his least creative, just a series of set pieces he tries to staple together as a coherent story.