What Is Your Top 5 Worst Westerns?

The Saloon Western board
1
  1. Texas Terror (Robert N. Bradbury (1935)) - Excruciatingly bad 30’s b-western with John Wayne. No fun, no music, no quality, no redeeming aspects.
  2. Lonesome Cowboys (Andy Warhol (1968)) - Definitely the absolute worst western technically. No script, barbaric editing, actors on drugs etc.
  3. Cry Blood Apache (Jack Starrett (1970)) - An Indian has his revenge on a bunch of mongoloids. Cringingly abominable in every aspect.
  4. Il Mio Corpo per un Poker (Piero Cristofani, Lina Wertmüller (1968)) - Terrible, filled with cheesy romance spaghetti. Above all, boring as hell.
  5. Texas Rangers (Steve Miner (2001)) - A western with Ashton Kutcher, James Van Der Beek and Usher. Need I say more?
2

Il mio corpo per un poker is a very cheap, but interesting and sometimes unusual contribution to the SW genre. The women’s view by Wertmüller and Martinelli. Also some erotic undertones.

I like it.

3

I don’t have a top five yet but I know my number one: ‘The White Comanche’ with William Shatner in a unforgettable (he will haunt you in your nightmares) dual role as half breed twin brothers (you can see that they are brothers because both are just as fat) , one, you guessed it turned indian, the other white. Brace yourself for the worst indian attack on a stagecoach ever put on screen. If you have problems getting to sleep, you should watch ‘The White Comanche’!

4

I was going to buy this film aswell, you can’t beat a bit of Mr. Tacky Shatner on odd occasions.
Remember T.J Hooker?

5

T.J. rules :wink: Only captain Kirk with his advanced technology could have a wig he would never lose while chasing criminals.

6

Very true indeed.

7

Quigley Down Under
Posse
Boot Hill
Pancho Villa (1972) (Savalas)
Johnny West

8

Hate the theme song in Johnny West.

9

I dislike Boot Hill, Pancho Villa(Telly Savalas,) and Johnny West. Posse’s ok and I really like Quigley Down Under. Always thought Selleck was a good cowpoke…

10

My worst SW top 5 list.

  1. Kid Vengeance
  2. Acquasanta Joe
  3. Take a hard ride
  4. Bulldozer Is Back Amigo
  5. Boot Hill
11

Boot Hill seems to have many fans, worldwide (millions hate it).

12

WILLIAM SHATNER IS GOD STAR TREK 1966-1969/TJ HOOKER ARE TV HEAVEN

WASH your mouth out with SULPHURIC Acid If you Speak 1 Word against W.Shatner :smiley: :o ;D

TAKE A HARD RIDE 1975 LEE VAN CLEEF JIM BROWN is a BETTER CAST BETTER PLOT
then that Over-rated Badly Casted THE GREAT SILENCE 1968. What a damn cheek !!!

PANCHO VILLA 1968 Yul Brynner KID VENGEANCE 1977 Lee Van Cleef
Are BOTH HIGH QUALITY SERIOUS Westerns with Top Plot/cast.
If you are naming a “worst Western” surely the ABOMINABLE “comedy” westerns are
to be named NOT Very Good Serious ones ! You make yourself look FOOLISH :’( ??? !!
This is the problem (as I said already 10 Times) with these silly “Worst Films” Threads :’(

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[b]WORST 5 WESTERNS[b] Worst is at Number 1 descending to number 5

  1. Brokeback Mountain 2005 Heath Ledger :’( Embarassing, Shameful, Irritating CRAP

  2. Troublemakers 1994 Terence Hill/Bud Spencer Dated, unfunny, tedious BAD

  3. Trinity Is Still My Name 1971 Terence Hill/Bud Spencer More slapstick, unfunny BAD

  4. My Name Is Trinity 1970 Terence Hill/Bud Spencer Horrid “comedy”, Hideous BAD

  5. Duck You Sucker 1971 Rod Steiger/James Coburn Overlong, dull NON SW BAD

14

[quote=“Dorado, post:10, topic:508”]My worst SW top 5 list.

  1. Bulldozer Is Back Amigo[/quote]

Gets my vote for the most rediculous name for a western.

15

The most recognized English title I think is It Can Be Done, Amigo which is far better.

16

Better title. Unfortunately the film is still as bad.

17

This “Worst Films Topic” is making me hungry, depressed and restless
;D :o

I will Have to Pop down to the 5 STAR Restaurant amd Order some

Fried Cockroaches Topped With E-Coli Mustard :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

18

[quote=“SARTANA DJANGO, post:17, topic:508”]This “Worst Films Topic” is making me hungry, depressed and restless
;D :o

I will Have to Pop down to the 5 STAR Restaurant amd Order some

Fried Cockroaches Topped With E-Coli Mustard :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:[/quote]

Haha yes I can definitely recommend the cockroaches with some hot sauce.

I personally love these “worst” topics so I know what movies to avoid haha. Its all in good fun we all love SW’s and to love something is to be critical of it as well as to praise it.

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[quote=“Col. Douglas Mortimer, post:18, topic:508”]Haha yes I can definitely recommend the cockroaches with some hot sauce.

I personally love these “worst” topics so I know what movies to avoid haha. Its all in good fun we all love SW’s and to love something is to be critical of it as well as to praise it.[/quote]

Agreed Col DM these “Restaurants” should put the Cockroaches/Mice/Rats on the MENU :smiley: instead of “pretending” they are “Not part of the Restaurant” as they always do :wink: ???

“Worst” Topics can lead to :

  1. FORUM RAGE ???
  2. INDIGESTION ???
  3. VENGEANCE ???

I may know “someone” who is developing ALL 3 (very soon) !!! :wink: :smiley:

20

Kid Vengeance (just plain bad but interesting Israeli locations)
Dynamite Jim (there wasn’t even any dynamite!)
Ace High (confusing and convoluted)
Pancho Villa (sure, films are aloud to take liberties with history but NOT that far!)
Town Called Hell (untill I see a version that is not butured, this is a film with an interesting plotline but poorly executed with no emotion from the filmakers part)
Take a Hard Ride (poorly made and uninteresting, routine in other words)
Boot Hill (inappropriate score more fit for crime movie, dull, suspenseless, boring damnit!)

Here endeth the lesson