Share your favorite Spaghetti Western cliches

Good looking people are much better than everyone else at everything that matters:

1.better at shooting
2. better at fighting
3. women are attracted to them instantly. only the gorgeous ones though.
4. they are cleverer than ugly people
5. they can ride horses better
6. they have better morals

etc etc

2 Likes

Oh, and the old cliché of coffee around the campfire in a metal cafetiere. When other people make it it always taste like a mule pissed in it.

1 Like

-In just one hand at a spaghetti western poker table, the bad guy can confidently expect to draw all four queens, or a straight flush to king or some similar almost unbeatable hand. However, in the same one hand, the hero will always beat whatever the bad guy is holding. Hardly seems worth it for anyone to put any money down, really.

-Anyone named after a religious artefact or parochial item or utensil is guaranteed a future in Spag world as either a lethal charismatic antihero or a lethal psychotic villain. Men named “Crucifix”, “Archangel” or “Communion” don’t work in I.T. or chartered accountancy. Not in Spag world. Nossir.

-Bad guys in Spag world are surprisingly jovial. In fact almost every sentence any of them utter is usually suffixed with a trademark “evil” laugh. “HA, ha-ha, haaaa!” Good guys on the other hand are a bunch of miserable buggers. “My gun!” Cheer up, fella!

-Lee van Cleef knows where the curly pipe shop is, but he’s not telling anyone else.

-Northern Europeans are quite incredibly swarthy and Latin-looking. Very Franco Nero-ish.

-A capable gunfighter can cause his victim to fall to the floor, dead. But with one bullet (from 40 yards and without looking), a Spaghetti Western gunfighter can cause a man to lurch forward towards the point of ballistic impact through a second-storey window, stumble toward a balcony and perform a flawless post-mortem triple somersault & twist into a watering trough. 8.0, 8.0, 8.0, 7.9, 8.0…

2 Likes

-Jeff Cameron’s pistol has enough power to knock people off their feet into the sky, but leave no holes in the body.

-According to Fidani, if you are shot in mid air, your body will try to force itself to cheer while flailing to your death.

  • I learnt from Robert Woods that if you wear a cowl that completely covers your face, you become an unstoppable killing machine.

  • Gordon Mitchell’s “cameos” are either his untimely death, or 2 mins with little or no reason for him to be there.

  • All of Luciano Rossi’s parts are either rapists, or psychos.

2 Likes

You guys have some good ones!

1 Like

Kudos for the thread starter.Always have this to my mind:

1)Tomas Millian’s playmobil haircut
2)When someone accept a gunshot rotates like a whirligig
3)Used the woman been alone and the (anti)hero abandoned her.Revenge complete so case closed

1 Like

-If you tear your shirt, don’t ask Hallelujah to sew it up.

-Mexican women usually have large breasts/buttocks, and like to dance whilst shaking said apparatus.

2 Likes

-Saloon gets destroyed in a bar fight → The next day everything is back to normal and there is no signs of the damage from last night
-every town is run by corrupted people or evil upper-class citizens
-characters might go on for days without sleeping and eating and they’re still at their best when it comes to physical activities like shooting, riding and brawling
-friendship doesn’t seem to be valued: Some characters clearly appreciate their buddies (especially SW duos) but they still treat their friends like crap on occasion and would leave them in trouble if they were feeling lazy
-the SW world is full of people who are just copies of each other: How many quiet, lonely gunmen are there? +Characters like the town drunk also seem to share the same personality no matter where you go
-you’re either a master gunslinger with flawless aim or you can’t shoot at all
-Bad guy is feared because he’s the best gunman around. Then a random stranger arrives and turns out to be an even better gunman

3 Likes

Gunslingers have auto aim at all times, that way they can shoot the noose as soon as the accused is dropped, saving them in the nick of time.

4 Likes

-If our protagonist is in the army, his rank is very likely Captain or Lieutenant

-Good guy hides behind a crate: Bad guys walk past him without noticing him.
-Bad guy hides behind a crate: Good guy walks past the crate, but realizes that someone is hiding there, so he turns around and shoots the bad guy

-Good guy gets beaten brutally: Survives
-Bad guy gets beaten brutally: Dies

-Woman lives in the town. She comes from a normal family and normal background, but enjoys peaceful life and doesn’t like gunslingers. Then a stranger arrives in town and the lady is immediately head over heels for this new gunslinger (Like if I was her I would stay away from the stranger :sweat_smile: At least it’s good that someone finally takes care of the bad guys and the town becomes more peaceful and safer, but still)

4 Likes

There’s always a guy called Slim, and quite often his friend Clem. Bad guy is usually called Clayton.

4 Likes

I’ve noticed loads of characters named ‘Morton’ … 'cause it sounds a bit like death - Didn’t keep a count, as I’m not that big a nerd :wink:

3 Likes

Mexican goons are often called Niño and Paco

3 Likes

Also, the name “Gary” is extremely popular in spaghetti westerns but it didn’t really become a popular, or common for that matter, name in the U.S. until Gary Cooper came along

4 Likes

Baddies who always go for a piss right next to where the hero is hiding…usually behind a bush, barrel, or horse, without spotting him…

Also: people who get stabbed/shot in the back, and then clutch their chests…
The same people never have any blood to show for it…

image

More baddies who spend ages having a conversation with their buddy (usually named Hank), who experience a delayed reaction when they suddenly realise that he actually has a large bullet hole in his head, or a knife in his ribs…then raise the alarm…

Bad guys named ‘Whiskey’, or ‘Tequila’…I’m still waiting for one called ‘Campari’ or ‘Margarita’ to make an appearance…

image

Baddies who always laugh at someone getting the crap beaten out of them…the Mexican bandito is extremely adept at this particular ‘talent’…

4 Likes

Someone is usually called Corbett.

After shooting an opponent who falls off his horse rather than plugging the corpse with another bullet just to be sure the bad guy will walk right up to him assuming he is dead and then get shot by the man who is just playing dead.

5 Likes

When the stranger/hero first arrives in a town, there will always be a local yokel who will comment on him not being from around there. The yokel will then underestimate the stranger/hero by warning him that he will be killed by the local bandit chief’s/villain’s henchmen. Only to be proven wrong when the stranger/hero shoots dead all the bandit’s/villain’s henchmen soon afterwards.

3 Likes