The funniest greyhound and horse race jokes in the World…I think they’ve run their course now.
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Those are cursed 
Mom, I’m scared 
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Voters at locals elections will now be handed fishing rods as they enter the polling station…
This is to help them cast their vote…
Sailors were shipwrecked upon a desert island, which was entirely populated by hungry cannibals…
Needless to say, the survivors didn’t last long; and, for the ravenous cannibals, it was their first taste of seamen…
Restaurant customer: “Waiter, there’s a dog’s hair in my soup!”
Waiter: “Don’t worry sir, the rest of the dog will follow with the main course, and whine…”
And lastly…
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A recent remake of the amiable pig story has just been roasted by film critics…
This was followed by top chefs giving it a severe basting…
I tripped over a drunk the other day…
I’m no expert, but I’m presuming he was a drunk…
However, what do wino…?
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I don’t mean to come out with bad jokes…I just try to make people smile occasionally…
Just like a dead hedgehog…my jokes fall flat…
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Killer Whales…not that bad…I went to Cardiff once, and they were really quite friendly…
Is it just me, or does pro wrestler Dominik Mysterio look like he should be in a cheesy 70’s porno flick
“Okay Steve, how many more days to go until 'Independence Day”?
I’ve decided to mix my love of chinese cooking with a keep-fit regime…
And so, from now on, I’m heading out daily for a vigorous wok…
Today, I bought a new under-arm deodorant. It guarantees to ‘bring out the beast in a man’.
That’s true…On my way home, I cocked my leg against several lamp-posts, and then left a little package on my neighbour’s door-step.
A distraught lion cub was in tears, and explained to his father that he was the youngest and slowest in his school.
The father gave his advice: “If you want to be quicker, you need to Mufasa…”
Sign in a toilet…‘SAVE PAPER, PLEASE USE BOTH SIDES OF THE SHEET’.
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Our local butcher is useless, incompetent, and lazy.
I told him this morning what I thought of him…and I didn’t mince my words.
Words are funny peculiar at times…
For example, if migrants put the black in ‘Blackpool’, and arsonists put the ‘burn’ in 'Burnley, then who put the c… in Scunthorpe?
There are two kinds of people in this World…
Those with wisdom who love Spaghetti Westerns; and those uninitiated who don’t even know what a SW is, and go “Uhhh?”…
Smurfs, Clangers, and Teletubbies…are they difficult to understand - or simply pissed?
I’ve just moved into a building where no children are allowed. So now they are neither seen nor heard…
Visitor: "Do you know anywhere that serves French food…?
Me: “Yes…France, I believe…”
Confusing says: “Timetables are never right, and the right time is never wrong…”
I was attacked by a swarm of ladybirds the other day…I knocked seven spots off them…
I’ve laid a wager with a neighbour that the local council will cut all the bushes in our area within the next week…Just to be sure, I contacted the Council, because I like to hedge my bets…
The neighbours living in the flat below have cats. One pisses on the carpet, and one shits in the communal hall…the cats aren’t much better behaved…
My neighbours have just had a baby delivered…I told them that they should complain to the Post Office…
Sad news today. I’ve fallen out with my life-long best friend…
We are both parachutists…
I came across this guy sitting on the edge of the pavement last night…he wasn’t happy.
Yesterday, I gave some money to a homeless man. He started singing one of my favourites…‘Goodbye Stranger’.
I said: "That’s ‘Supertramp’, and he replied “Cheers, mate”.
2026 calendars are already out, and on sale. I’ve just bought one about insects. It features the moths of the year…
The British Prime Minister, Keir Stammer, has just adopted a pigeon, named Gerald, as his official mascot, and hopes that it will reflect his personality…
Gerald is full of shit, craps on the public, and flies against public opinion…
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Love it. Thank you, Aldo.
I thought of the first ‘joke’ this morning, and it all then flowed…most of it hit and miss, I know, but hey ho.
You may recognise the ‘French Food’ joke as coming from ‘Fawlty Towers’? I think the episode was called ‘The Pschiatrists’, and Nicky Henson was the butt of the jokes…(“the most decorated Orangutan in Britain…”
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The sad truth, Tosc. Luckily, this forum exists. Let me try some (weird) spagh humor:
In an alternate universe, Death Rides a Horse ends differently. Ryan realizes too late that he taught Bill a bit too well and turned the angry young man into a demon.
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That could so easily have happened! 
This is slightly co-incidental…
Having just having bought ‘The Shootist’ on Bd, this reminds me that in the film, the young lad (Ron Howard) sits and watches J.B. Books (John Wayne) die.
If I remember correctly…in the original book, J.B. Books is shot dead by the lad…
In other words, the innocent boy becomes the demon…
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Did you do that with AI?? Lee’s face is a picture
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The picture isn’t mine, I found it on Google when googling pics with the phrase Death Rides a Horse. Here’s a link to the site Nothing is Written: Death Rides a Horse
But yeah, Lee’s face is priceless and John is looking very menacing
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