How to survive in a spaghetti western

If you fancy a drink at the bar and you do not have much cash, beware of the old guy at the bar as he may pester you for a drink or two.

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if your the main character always bet on yourself for a shooting contest chances are you will win & if you dont someone like Lee Van Cleef will show you how its done & you’ll be better for it

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In any case if you are only doing SW, Giallos and War flicks, you’re chances of survival are not great.

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Whatever you do, stay away from stagecoaches-- they’re death traps.

Never ride through a deep canyon or gorge alone in the daylight.

Keep hidden cartridges.

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Beware of villains who are seemingly disarmed and suddenly become extremely friendly (even though you’ve just been shooting at each other). They’ll more often than not be packing a derringer or something.

Disguises often help in getting the drop on enemies.

Don’t worry about ammo, just keep shooting.

Always offer the villain a deal when you are in absolutley no position to bargain. Though it’ll undoubtedly end up in more beating, it will confuse him allowing you to take advantage of his carelessness in the end.

Beware of smart mouth comments. They will result in more beatings.

Don’t befriend any families.

Don’t make any deals (that you plan on keeping your end of)

Don’t ever win at cards becuase they’ll always suspect you of cheating.

Don’t ever lose at cards as Women seem to always be shoehorned into the pot.

Just don’t play cards unless you prepared to kill the loser.

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Or never named you, one or the other. ;D

~Dakota

Never trust any Mexicans unless they’re dressed in white ( or very dirty “white”).

Try and have more than one woman stashed away, as one is bound to get killed.

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So right you are!!!

Make sure to have a metal door off of a stove stashed underneath your poncho. :wink:

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[quote=“Hoover Valentine, post:30, topic:2450”]Make sure to have a metal door off of a stove stashed underneath your poncho. ;)[/quote]Or a coin neclace and bible in your breast pocket.

Or rent the only room available in the town your staying at. You’ll definetly lose the room to the next big shot to roll into town, but you probally won’t die, just get your ass handed to you.

Also beware of penquins! :smiley:

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Always be the one behind a Machine Gun. :wink:

If you kill somebody don’t stay at the same town and wait 20 years cause the brother/nephew/son/daughter/mother/father/friend (whoever) … will find you …

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HaHaHaHAHA! Isn’t THAT the truth! ;D

If your in the desert and nearly going to die as you have no water, just remember that you are starring in a Spaghetti western. At the point of dying you will find some water :smiley: .

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Only just a drop of water to keep you alive for the next 24 hours and continue the torment until the next drop of water is found, 100 Km of boiling desert away :slight_smile:

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Ha, ha…yes :wink: .

And if you enter in an El Topo kind of SW try not to be a rabbit, and look as weird as possible, no blondie, django, ringo, shango or sartana will even try to rescue in that one.

Don’t just leave after being bored with torturing someone. He’ll be back to kill you.
Make sure you have a personality disorder. Your chances of surviving will be greater.
If you think an opportunty is too good to be true, kill everyone in sight first and then maybe believe it.
Kindness is weakness. Be kind and head for a coffin.
Honour, valour, pride? Fuck that. You die.
If you’re not the bigger, then you’d better be the faster.
Only befriend Chinese guys looking for treasure.
Don’t fall in love with whores. There will be a funeral. Yours or hers.
Don’t drink too much. It blurrs all types of things necessary to make it out alive.
Don’t play cards. You like games? Stick to Russian roulette, much safer.

Ask John (Companeros), Munguia (A Hole in the Forehead), Brother Baldwin (Death Sentence), Ramon Rojo (FAFO$), The Great Concho (Yankee), Zorro (Django Kill) and so many others!