How to survive in a spaghetti western


(Dillinger) #1

There are a few things to keep in mind if you happen to find yourself in a a SW:

  1. If someone shoots you from a far distance, always falls of your horse, no matter if you’re hit or not. In doing so you’ll get the chance to shoot the assasin.

  2. If you’re hit by a bullet, just pretend to be dead. No one will shoot you in the head just to make it sure.

  3. Always carry a cardgame, a bible or a cigarette case in your chest pocket: Many villains are fond of going for the heart shot.


(Paco Roman) #2

Shoot first … talk later :wink:
Make the infamous Anthony Steffen Roll and no bullet will ever hit you!


(El Topo) #3

Try to get the main part, you’ll get beatten, cruxified, burried to the head in the desert and left to die, smashed hands, drag by a horse, hanged by the neck, shoot, poison, you name it, but in the end you still gonna make it.
If that does not work just say cut and leave the set to some Almeria near beach.


(ENNIOO) #4

Have a hip flask of whiskey with you for you to pour over a wound, and then drink the rest.


(Bill san Antonio) #5

[quote=“Paco Roman, post:2, topic:2450”]Make the infamous Anthony Steffen Roll and no bullet will ever hit you![/quote]:smiley: hahaha!


(Starblack) #6

If you ever encounter a gang of Mexican bandits, don’t worry - they’ll never be able to shoot you, while you won’t even have to aim at them to kill them.


(Søren) #7

Make sure your parents Christen you Django, Ringo or Sartana …


(ENNIOO) #8

If you have no idea what to do…not to worry. Just ask the the wise old man who happens to be just around.


(Starblack) #9

Never marry, and it’s better to be an orphan with no siblings.


(Col. Douglas Mortimer) #10
  1. If you are a woman, try not to get into a romantic relationship with the hero. There’s about a 50 percent chance that you will die.

  2. If you fired all six shots of your pistol, its not necessarily the end of the world, your pistol might magically regenerate more bullets.

  3. A henchman will only take one shot to kill, but the leader might require more.


(ENNIOO) #11

And do forget if you order a coffin…order more than one just in case.


(El Topo) #12

Any way if you look like a Mexican campesino, just don’t bother too much, Ah by the the way never dress like a mexican federal soldier (you have better chances of surviving in the French Foreign Legion, or as Viet-Cong in a Rambo film), and if you see any maxim type machine gun near Almeria, just get the hell out of there.

In any case if you have entered in Acquasanta Joe you can die anyway ;D


(Paco Roman) #13

Don’t talk to Strangers or Men without names 8)


(Dillinger) #14

Don 't worry if the baddies beat the crap out of you. This is a good sign for being on the right way and eventually killing all the villains!


(Dr. Menard) #15

Always squint your eyes even if you wear a hat to protect you from the sun. It just look so cool…

Make sure you have some smart ass remarks on hand to piss of the bad guys which in return gives you an excuse to massacre them in less then 3 seconds. Oh yeah, don’t bother aiming just shoot from the hip and keep cocking the hammer like crazy. Your six shooter will turn into an automatic pistol hitting every target dead on.


(ENNIOO) #16

Few gadgets may come in handy, especially if your name begins with S.


(Dillinger) #17

Don’t worry when your hands are beaten to crap - if you’re on a true revenge mission you’ll make it without them!

(Except when Mr. Kinski comes your ways)


(Phil H) #18

True.
A good rule of thumb would be “If you are going to be walking about carrying a parasol, banjo, sewing machine, church organ or similar try to adapt it into something dual purpose.”


(Dillinger) #19

If you see someone g walking about carrying a parasol, banjo, sewing machine, church organ or similar - be careful!!!


(Col. Douglas Mortimer) #20

Don’t be an evil tyrannical land baron or corrupt town official. Life may be swell for the first few years but eventually some stranger will ride into town and wipe you out for killing his wife, mom, brother, father, sister, or gardener.