The Man Called Jeremy - and other Western Fables

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold.
No problem…I’ve been eatin’ grits and frost for six years now.

Temptation has now gone, to light a fire or seek the light.
I think my desire for revenge reaches higher and brighter.

It’s probably not Heaven, which I bid adios to a while ago.
It’s definitely not the Mexicanos who used to tend my land.

It could be Hell that beckons me every day…who knows…not me, nor thee.
God above, lookin’ from on high, tell me, please, which pawn you will move next.
I have to confess, dear Lord…I am more than slightly vexed…beginnin’ to believe I’m hexed.

There’s no rhyme nor reason to my words spoken nor writ.
I’ve touched the amber nectar, but my draw is not impaired.

They may both come, or they may not.
No matter to me, buck-shot is still buck-shot…it spread wide and kills those most dear.

A sound outside the cabin door…I reach for the sawn-off nestled beside.
Either he’ll have me lyin’ downwards,
or I’ll nail his bad-ass behind.

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There was once a trio named Eli, Lee, and Clint.
They had one thing in common…boy, they could squint.

Sunshine, or shadow, night, or day,
their wrinkles grew pronounced as they went along their way.

Their stares were well-known, and they had ably shown,
that their stubble, while grimacin’, had undoubtedly grown.

Lean, but often slightly edging to whiskey belly,
their draw was still clean, although their boots were now decidedly smelly.

No matter their appearance, they all had an adherence, to the law of the Old West:
If you go out to fight, then grit your teeth tight, and make sure you wear a clean vest.

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‘BlOOD, SWEAT, WHISKEY and WOMEN’

There’s one thing you can be sure of in the West…
Dirt, sweat, blood, whiskey, and women.

The bounty-hunters seek dollars for blood,
and the loose doves often get frisky.

As sure as mules are stubborn, and women demand pay,
the sun rises and sets on another God-forsaken day.

Ex-army, Confederate or Union, the uniform no longer pays heed,
They take the bounty, stub out the cigar, and ride out on the steed.

Revenge, money, a wrong which is never never right,
the blast of a ten-gauge shows that satisfaction for one’s soul is never in sight.

The feel of a woman, the strength of a single trigger finger.
Why feel the pain if you can taste a delight that will for now linger.

Time to move on, no grudge to hold, or reward to be claimed.
At the next stop, a chat with ‘Half-soldier’, a soldier who was fightin’, but ended up maimed.

The little man may have some information, so here’s hoping he may.
If his words lead to buried treasure, then he could make someone’s day.

Gold or silver is what I’m after…and it’s a princely sum that I’ll get.
On that alone…I’m willing to take a few ounces of lead and bet.

‘BLAZE OF GLORY …OR WHATEVER’

I really don’t why I bother.
Readin’, writin, pissin’ and shittin’…what’s it all for?
It’s like bufflalo crap that sits and dries in the sun - it’s down-pat.

Yup, raindrops are daily, weekly, monthly, and forever fallin’ on my head,
and they are really fecking me off.

I’m not fussy, but I don’t like dust, or cactus, or busy saloons,
or gunfighters, or women who ask too much, or over-priced whiskey.

No people, nor horses for courses, or lawmen or vagabonds…
no miners or diviners, and no one looking for gold.

I like a quiet life, and I like everyone, 'cept quite a few.
So, no Indians, bounty-hunters, Quakers, Mormons, Sheriffs and needy women can keep on goin’.

I’m happy with grits and beans…belchin’ and fartin’ as in-betweens.
No need for company while I have my own…

I simply need beans in the pan, and the wind beneath my feet.
Both are catered for, in what I’m about to eat.

‘THE DEMISE OF JEREMY’

The man called Jeremy had grown old and wise, and died happily from within.
He’d fried his last potatoes and beans, and passed away with a sardonic grin.

“No more”, said Jeremy to himself…

He made the choice to decide;
If they want to read more, they can look on the shelf, and no longer deride.

But you won’t find me there, ‘cos my name doesn’t count, and I don’t really care.’

‘Carry on your adventures in your own sweet, kind, lovin’ way,
'But it will be without a man called Jeremy, ‘cos he’s gone on to live another day.’

‘Quoth the hero, nevermore…’

R.I.P Jeremy.

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I hope @Toscano won’t mind, but I’d like to continue this thread with little snippets of the adventures of my Red Dead Redemption franchise character Belle Bowie. It’ll be a bit more traditional in narrative to the Jeremy material, but I hope just as entertaining.

The rain was falling steadily in the town of Valentine, New Hanover. Belle Bowie was riding towards the Sheriff’s Office with her latest bounty capture, Calico Jane Carter, in tow. Bowie was told that Sheriff Malloy was off serving a a foreclosure notice, but that he’d be back soon, so she took her cuffed quarry and went into the Saloon.

“I ain’t leavin’ her soakin’ in the rain”, Bowie sternly looked at the man at the door, who then the two pass through.

Belle, according to customary procedure, made sure Carter was cuffed to the table before going to the bar. As she prepared to go, she noticed a strange look in Jane’s eye just as a commotion started behind them. Belle turned and saw a young man of 18 being hassled by some poker players.

“Y’all cheated me,” the kid yelled at the top of his lungs, “them cards are marked!”

Apparently these were professional players and they weren’t taking kindly to being called cheats in a room full of witnesses. Two of them were holding the kid by his arms while a third walked up to him.

“I ain’t takin’ that kind of talk from some wet behind the ears farmer’s hands punk,” he spat in the kid’s face and preceded to belt him.

The man suddenly felt his arm not moving, and Bowie was holding it.

“Problem here gents?” she asked calmly.

“The kid’s a sore loser,” the man who’s arm she gripped said.

“They’re cheats!” the kid shouted again, “they took advantage of me and took all the money I had.”

As Belle held the man’s arm, she felt something under the sleeve, and quickly realized the game afoot.

“I think maybe either give this kid another chance, or give him back the money right now,” she said, pulling out a small pack of cards from the coat sleeve.

“You lousy bitch!” the man shouted and took a swing at her.

Belle ducked the hit, and before the three men knew it, she was knocking them left and right, until they were left on the floor out on the floor. The kid luckily ducked away before the fracas began and was watching in awe with everyone else how Belle handled herself and the situation. Belle searched all the men’s pockets and cleaned out all the cash on them, and put it in the kid’s hands.

“Go back home kid and don’t be playing cards for money no more,” she told with a stern look. Tears filled the kid’s eyes.

“They said I had farmer’s hands,” he started, “it’s been rough since my older sister Jane went missing, I-I was only trying to get the folks a better stake for the year.”

“The way I see it,” Belle put her hand on the kid’s shoulder, “you’ve got a hard working man’s hands, and I believe your sister would give you a lecture, but not before saying she understood you. Now off ya go.”

Things settled down again as the boy took off and the gamblers were thrown out. Belle finally got her drink, paid the barman for both the service and the mess, and went back to her quarry.

“Thanks for that,” Jane said as Belle recuffed her and led her out, "I ain’t made a lot of good choices, “but I wasn’t gonna see my brother end up the same.”

"We’ll let him think you’re lost, " Belle told her, “first you gotta beat this frame-up you’re in.”

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Of course I don’t mind, amigo. :cowboy_hat_face:

As far as I’m concerned, anyone who fancies a bit of creative Western writing or story-telling is welcome to leave something on this thread.

I look forward to reading your work.

ORNERY

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Face the bullet, or bite it.
Die, or not die, livin’s a fresh option, so why not try it.

Your choice decides your fate, hombre;
Still searchin’ for enemies that will eventually rue the day.

Live, or not live.
Do you deserve to exist,
When you’ve spent your life being mean, downright ornery, and most of the time pissed?

Ask yourself that question, while the seconds die away.
A gringo all alone, with much for which to atone;
It looks like you’re in a corner, like a dog with a bone all alone.

image

Too late for redemption, and too early for the grave;
Try looking for some other drifter, whose soul you might wanna save.

Options gone in the blink of an eye…!
What will I do now for a drop of amber nectar, and the glimpse of warm thigh?

Adios, goodbye, you SOB’s…
I’d rather go out standing tall, than down on my knees…

Gravedigger, earn your keep,
'cos sure as hell there’s no one to weep.

Haul that dirt, and here’s a dollar for your time, the shovel and your sweat;
For death’s about as final as final can get…

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‘HAPPINESS’

(Taken from an extract of 1879’s publication, ‘The Bounty Killer - Dollars, Dollars, and Still More Bloody Dollars’)

Happiness, happiness, the greatest skill that a bounty-hunter can possess.
I thank the Lord that I’ve been blessed with more than my share of bountiful happiness.

To me this West is a wonderful place, I’m the luckiest killer for reward in the human race;
I’ve got lots of silver, and a chest of gold,
and when I kill it cheers my soul.

Happiness, happiness, I smell it in the sunshine, breath it in the air, cordite, cordite, blood and guts everywhere.

A wise old prophet told me one time,
happiness is a frame of mind,
nothing gives me greater pleasure than when I buck-shot a bastard from behind.

Happiness, happiness, the greatest reward is a whore’s caress;
I count the dollars, drink the whiskey, and use my bounty to excess.

Happiness, happiness everywhere,
ecstacy especially when you shoot a Mex or baddie descending the stair.

A cart-load of money, a fistful of joy;
Each day brings its own reward, when you bring down the prey with a devious ploy.

Coins keep clinking, and percentages keep shrinking;
Oh, how I love the sound of a wounded soul sinking.

Happiness, happiness everywhere…

Such sadness and melancholy intruded upon my heart,
when I recalled my love, my youth, my gain, my loss and downfall.

Though smiles now remain, where a scowl once held place,
I now count my blessings, forgiving and forgetting that I hold most to shame.

Another now, is my inspiration, my guide, and a cause that I will follow,
although it brings me many enemies.

Living a life that is abundant with eternal love is a life that is more precious than a treasure of silver or gold,
and that is a story that the World needs to be told.

Weak against the strong,
and right against wrong.
In the end…who really wins…?

THE GUNFIGHTER’S CHECKLIST

Silence?…precious…after the last bullet is fired

Friends?…none

Enemies?…none…alive

Wife and children?…none, that I know of. Hate to think there’s a bastard following me…

Prospects?…None

Life?…a gamble everday

Every day?…tough, nasty, full of demons that won’t fu.k off

Alone?…always, and always will be

Men killed?… Pass. Lots. They visit me every night…

Chances of dying?…very soon

Future aims?…Quien Sabe?

Heaven or Hell?…Hell?..I’m already on my way

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Here’s some more of the adventures of Belle Bowie, my RDR2 universe character, enjoy

Belle Bowie was riding into the town of Blackwater, West Elizabeth just as the sun set. She spent a good part of that day hunting down an elusive cougar that came down from the mountain regions of the area and was killing livestock. The local populace, also fearful their children and themselves would be next, demanded the sheriff bring in Belle as she was skilled at stealth hunting cougars and wolves. She finally caught up with the beast a good way near New Austin and Belle had a little bit of journey ahead of her, so she was more than pleased to stop for a few minutes at the Blackwater city limits. She’d only just relaxed a little when she felt a pistol pointed at her back.

“R-reach for it, l-lady,” a young uncertain called out.

Belle raised her arms up, not wanting to spook this scared would be hold up artist, and maybe talk whoever it was out of their quest.

"Listen whoever you are, ain’t got much money on me, and I’ve spent all day bringing in this nuisance cougar, so if you just wait while I paid, I’ll hand it over, no fuss.

“A-ain’t that simple,” the voice began,

And soon Belle had elbowed her assailant in the ribs and managed to flip them to the ground. She raised her own revolver at them, and got a good shock herself.

“Jesus Christ,” she shouted, “you’re young enough to be my kid sister!”

Staring up at Belle was a girl of about 16, her long blond hair strewn out and her hat right beside her. Had the kid’s eyes been blue, she really could’ve been Belle’s sister.

“Just get it over with,” she said.

Belle helped her to her feet.

"You’re a little too eager to get killed kid, what would your folks say to this,

“Ain’t got none, I’m by myself,” she said, resigned.

“Tell you what, let’s talk about this while I take this cougar to the sheriff, then to the butcher.”

Belle’s request was met with the kid trying to fight loose, but Belle managed to wrangle her to the ground and tying her arms,

“Goddamn woman, get these off me!” she shouted and protested as Belle hooked the rope to her saddle.

“Just calm down,” Belle said as they started towards Blackwater, “and don’t go thinking of dragging your heels or slowing down, old Cuchillo has a nasty habit of stepping on feet that don’t go his pace.”

Belle parked both her horse Cuchillo and the spitfire girl at the sheriff’s office as she unloaded the cougar carcass.

“One last thing,” she said before going in, “you better not try to hop on Cuchillo and run off, he don’t let just anybody mount him.”

After finishing her business in town and taking a room for the night, and the kid cooling off in jail, Belle and her charge headed out the next day. Wanting to wrangle in the kid’s remaining stubbornness, Belle restrained her as before, but this time walking just an inch in front of Cuchillo.

“Not bad,” Belle said as they moved along, “keep up this pace and Cuchillo may end up liking you.”

“Just where the hell are you taking me?” she asked,

“Down to MacFarlane’s Ranch,” Belle told her, “I believe my friend Bonnie MacFarlane is just the person to squeeze out whatever remaining anger is in you. You’re real lucky the sheriff believed me when I said you were just a desperate youngster all alone out here. Don’t waste what chance I’m giving you.”

They reached the large parcel of land that made up McFarlane’s Ranch, the safety border point between the hostile Thieves’ Landing and the plague-ridden Armadillo in New Austin. Bonnie MacFarlane stepped out onto the porch of her house as she saw Belle ride up with her quarry.

“Good to see you Belle,” Bonnie said as they shook hands. “Who do we have here?” she asked her Belle untied the kid.

“This youngster tried holding me up last night while I was delivering that troublesome cougar to Blackwater,” Belle began, “I figured if anyone could set her straight, it’s you.”

Bonnie took a quick glance at the girl,

“What’s your name girl?”

“Maggie,” she said, rubbing the stiffness out of her arms.

“Well Maggie, both my father and I demand hard work around here, and from the looks of you, whatever has your ire up needs a good sweatin’ out.”

“Like you can make me shovel horse shit or bail hay,” Maggie said petulantly as she walked away."

It didn’t take long for Bonnie to grab Maggie by the arm flip her to the ground a few times.

“Missy,” she sternly told the girl, “try to be cross and flippant with me, and you’ll be spending a lot of time getting a whoppin. Fly right and pay attention, and just maybe you’ll make something of yourself.”

Belle gave one of her rare broad smiles as she mounted Cuchillo to leave, “I’ll leave you to it Bonnie.”

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