Here's a campfire song I wrote (Inspired by SW films and old Legend Tales)

The Saloon
1

I think I wrote this song a month ago or so, and haven’t showed it to anyone until now. The song is generally inspired by SW films (revenge plots, gadget weapons etc.), and is wrote like an old campfire song (urban myths, old legend tales and so on). As you properly can see I have borrowed the name Johnny Guitar from the American western film (of the same name). It’s the second time I’ve written a song, and maybe not my last. It’s not a song to be taken too seriously (but that is up to you), it’s just a little entertaining song I would like to share with all of you. Give me some feedback if you will.
Also, try to find the SW references!

[size=15pt][font=georgia]Johnny Guitar [/font] [/size] written by Jonas Skjøtt

[i]Have you heard the story from Dixieland
About Johnny the avenging guitar man
He wasn’t normal I can tell
Because his guitar was one from hell

He walks around like a living dead
Spending his life with anger and regret
He only thinks of that single day
When revenge have taken it’s final stay

The moon stood tall and the stars were bright
When Johnny arrived at saloon Hailey Delight
He looked around with a vengeance in his eyes
Because one in here have killed his wife

He pulled his guitar over the shoulder
fixed the strings while looking bolder
He started playing a slowly fiddle
And began to slender in the middle

He played a wicket tune of terror
Without making any musical error
With a vicious grin from an deadly soul
He pointed his guitar at Indio McCole

Johnny stared with despise in his face
When he suddenly noticed an important trace
He saw the ring that he once gave his wife
On the finger of that stinking low living life

Awful memories came to his mind
Years of searching and now was the time
One bullet would end his days
And soon one would walk his way

Men and women looked with nervous eyes
On this stand-off displayed by these two guys
Raging feelings filled the air
And now there was no compare

The moment was now and no time to spare
Johnny pulled his guitar at lightning pace
And fired with the hidden rifle inside
He gave Indio a grand surprise where at he died

Johnny took his horse and rode into the sun
He got his revenge but was he really done
What should he do and where could he go
All these years and now he didn’t know …[/i]

2

I like it. Well designed. I can envision it being woven-into an actual western via creative cutaways and fades…

3

Thanks! and great idea. In a way I think the song would work quite well in that context.

4

It is good!.. and I think I got a few of the references in there.

Far be it from me to criticise (I can barely write in my own language sometimes, let alone in a 2nd. one) - there’s nothing wrong with the structure and story, but some of the English needs fine tuning. “… a slowly fiddle” and “slender” I didn’t understand for instance.
It’s minor stuff, and otherwise all it needs now is somebody to put it to music… :slight_smile:
(I’m afraid my ukulele playing ain’t good enough yet tho’.)

5

Very good! We need Chris Casey to do a rendition of it.

6

[quote=“Reverend Danite, post:4, topic:2987”]It is good!.. and I think I got a few of the references in there.

Far be it from me to criticise (I can barely write in my own language sometimes, let alone in a 2nd. one) - there’s nothing wrong with the structure and story, but some of the English needs fine tuning. “… a slowly fiddle” and “slender” I didn’t understand for instance.
It’s minor stuff, and otherwise all it needs now is somebody to put it to music… :slight_smile:
(I’m afraid my ukulele playing ain’t good enough yet tho’.)[/quote]

Know what your talking about. Writing a song in English can be a little challenging. I also had my doubts about the correctness in those lines (when it rhymes I sometimes just go with it) :D. About the word fiddle; "The term fiddle may refer to any bowed string musical instrument (guitar, electric bass, violin, viola, cello, double bass, banjo, mandolin, ukulele, and harp) It is also a colloquial term for the instrument used by players in all genres, including classical music. Fiddle playing, or fiddling, refers to various styles of music."
The word slender, means thin, slim, skinny etc. So maybe I should do a little re-writing there :wink: - Thanks for the good critique!